The Joy Of Neighbourhood Life

As you may well know, kind reader, your friendly and shiny ad agency that has suspicious links to Bananarama, exists in a world some way away from the trendy highlights of east-east, east-london or the glitz and glamour of Soho. For we have eschewed all that (man I love that word) and moved into our palatial pad out West London way. We live down a very nice terraced street but bizarrely in an mansion that resembles something Puff Daddy would build over Malibu way.

Anyways, being part of the community and all, it means that we get to participate in all the finer details, from the striking bin men to the trannies at no.1 to the rampaging fox to the nasty little tikes that keep nicking our bike parts.

To keep abreast of all of this, Liam our very own dangerman and office manager, attends the local Neighbourhood Watch meetings. And now we come to the point of this long blog ramble: you just have to, and I mean you just HAVE to read the minutes from the first two meetings as they are probably the funniest single thing that has been written in advertising since gawd knows when.

Read, enjoy and, if you fancy, come join in at the next one.

FIRST MEETING

All,

Thanks for your unfloundering support last night at the local residents meeting it was quite an experience. As you were all “busy”, I thought I’d bring you up to speed on what’s going on in W14.

War Crescent Club/The Fox

Having thwarted the original application for a lap-dancing licence the local Daily Mail brigade have beaten the club into submission and they have decided not to continue with their appeal. Instead the Crescent Club is applying for a 5am licence to become a nightclub – the lap dancing club would have closed at around 2am. They’re ready to fight again.

War on Local Undesirables

The group of people who live in the flats above the shops next to the Cumberland were accused of being unemployed.

War on Transvestite

One of these unemployed people is a transvestite who has a lot of coming and going from his/her flat/apartment. The Local Community Support Office who was present (who was amused all night at the fact that he was called Liam as well) was urged to launch an operation to find out what was going on. He didn’t look very happy.

War on DOGS

We talked about poo a lot. It’s been decided that dogs should not be allowed to poo – at all unless they have a doctors note. However, it’s not all dogs that are the problem just those belonging to undesirables (staffies and pitbulls) who use them as weapons! One of these undesirables was removed from the Cumberland on Tuesday night after his bitch started worrying a customer....it’s too obvious, I’m not doing the joke.

War on FOXES

No, not the strip club – the Basil Brush kind. A fox is attacking bins left out over night. Apparently he’s very tame – I almost pointed out that if he was tame he’d book a table at the local Thai and have a civilised meal, but I didn’t because I’m better than that. He stands in the middle of the road and watches cars – this does not mean he is tame, this means he is “special” if you know what I mean. Anyway, the decision was made that he needs to be put to death.

War on Crime

Liam (hahahahahaha he has the same name as me) delivered the news that this area is crime free – depsite catching people selling drugs on the corner of vernon street...oh and a man being assaulted, who was a drug dealer...oh and the transvestite working girl/boy...oh and the “special” car watching, rubbish thieving fox.

Death

I died three times in the meeting and each time I came around Councillor Greg Smith – responsible for law and order, street cleaning and being smug was still talking and talking and talking.

The next meeting is in September – see you there.

SECOND MEETING

All,

Thanks so much for joining me at the “Utopia” (yes Utopia) Residents Meeting last night. Oh now I remember, nobody did and I had to twitch the curtains all by myself.

So in order to keep you in the loop and touch all your bases, I have compiled a condensed version of the Utopian minutes.

The Crescent Bar (Fox Lap Dancing Club)

One word – victory. The local Daily Mail brigaded thwarted (their words) the application for The Fox pub to become a lap dancing venue and have now further thwarted (their words) an attempt to turn it into a 6am licensed nightclub. Not only that but the owners/staff and whatever customers they had have disappeared into thin air. Our local Police Sergeant was due to meet with said licensees this week but was not only greeted with a firmly shut venue but no answer to his phone calls. He was a little confused as when he’d been in there on Saturday night it was heaving (his words).

The Fox

He’s alive – he’s STILL alive – alive and well and living in Chiswick...though still venturing back to “Utopia” every night to ravage peoples refuse.

Bins

Oh my god, we spoke about this for over an hour!!! The resolution came from the man with the overly mobile hairpiece from the sheltered housing on Munden Street. If you pour bleach into you bin bags – foxes won’t want to eat it. No, but they will be impressed with that zesty lemon smell.

The Albion

Apparently in this venue there is live music – not only that but people go outside to smoke – whatever next? People drinking beer? The man with overly mobile hairpiece does not like this and wants it to stop. Supergran, 88 from Number 19 told him to stop exaggerating, it’s not like it’s every night! (her words)

Thames Water

They’ve been digging and digging and digging. One mild mannered woman asked if they’d found what they were looking for. Everybody laughed – except me because I was still there. The only other thing we got out of this discussion (which also lasted nearly an hour) was that this area was the most bombed during the war.

Marcus Garvey Park

It was decided that nobody knew who Marcus Garvey was and therefore the park should be renamed Avonmore Park and the Barons Court Library (not in Barons Court) should be renamed Marcus Garvey Library so that people could look up who he is. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_Garvey

Crime

Two people were arrested stealing a bike and as a result traffic crime has gone down. Utopia has received an award from the Mayor as it has the second lowest crime rate in London. Remind me to think about this when I get called into the office at 3am following a break in.

Beggars

There is a regular beggar with mental health problems who works Utopia. Apparently he can’t be arrested because he has mental health problems but he is very clever (their words!)

Crisps

As Supergran, 88 from No 19 was leaving she grabbed a handful of kettle chips and put them in her hand bag – I’ll be invoicing Utopia Residents Association for a pro-rata amount to cover the cost.

Next meeting is in March – see you there!

Knight signs for KPPC

In news that will shock the Table Tennis world, Britain's finest ping pong prospect Darius Knight has become an official member of the Karmarama Ping Pong Club (KPPC). Here he is with club coach 'Sherwinator' after signing the contract which will see him finish his career at one London's most exciting clubs.


If you haven't seen him play before check him below- he's le shit.

Wednesday Morning Football

Every other Wednesday at 8am AC Dave take on Athletico Arj to decide who can have the bragging rights for the second half of the week. With two games down it's honours even as after a 14-4 hammering the first week AC Dave restored some pride yesterday with a destructive 14-1 annihilation. The third game looks set to be a cracker- tickets go on sale Monday morning so don't miss out. Highlights below.

Inside My Belly: Number 4

Best Mangal II does a legendary kebab and has been instrumental in getting your happy agency kampers through some tough times and long wintery days.
But, when a full blow out is needed, a sit-in session is required.
'Specially when ever so slightly hung over.
This plate of deliciousness here is called disarmingly 'The Mixed Grill'.
It's actually the stealth bomber of middle eastern cuisine.
Looks innocent, leaves no trace. but you carry it with you for a very, very long time.
I'm not proud of what I've done, my small appendix is aggrieved, but the feast was much needed.

Blatant Financial Bribery

Meet Juli.
You don't mess with Juli.
People have tried in the past and then.. trust us, you don't want to know.
Juli's job is to keep us in line and make sure we get our expenses and timesheets in on time.
Following various threats of mental and bodily harm, Juli instead went for a charm offensive:
Do your timesheets and you get a pancake.
Amazingly, it worked, tummies got filled and timesheets are in order.
I reckon the Government could learn from this good karma approach to getting things done.

Ping Pong now an integral part to all Nintendo shoots!

Here's Rob our client from Nintendo and generous sponsor of the Karmarama ping pong team, enjoying the beautiful game on a shoot yesterday. This was shot at a swanky house in Wimbledon and unfortunately the swimming pool had been built a little too close to the ping pong table and on several occasions the ball ended up on the pool cover, but hey! can't have everything. From now on, Nintendo shoots involving Rob or Walter from Nintendo in Germany will have a table tennis table and balls as part of the rider.

New Planner Alert: Kat, President of Post Digital Propaganda

All hail Kat, who joined us this week.



Kat is a top drawer planner trained in the black arts of above the line, on line, around the line, tow the line planning.
As such she has been given the title of President of Post Digital Propaganda because we think it sounds kinda kool.
Little know facts about Kat include that she's allergic to the colour purple, she can drive cars with her eyes closed using only her teeth and spidey sense, her feet were once used as a stand in for Kate Moss's hands (they are THAT delicate), she can speak entirely in binary, and she can eat Krispy Kreames in one mouthful.
Welcome

Krispy Kreame Moving Day

We decided to shake things around a bit of PharmaRama today so we could mingle people up a bit, stir the pot, buzz the flies, all that sort of nonsense.
Because some people had got very attached to their places. lovely Ben went out and got us all some Krispy Kreame doughnuts to make us all feel better.





And a bit fatter.
Ben's nice.



Funny looking, but nice.

Sick Trainer Friday: The Return

Last time we did sick trainer Friday we won lastminute.com and President Obama got elected.
So we thought we'd do it all over again and see what happens.
So feast your eyes on what followers, and note how different people's interpretation of 'sick' varies rather wildly.
Special praise for Hux who always pushes the boat out when it comes to dressing up, Daniel who cycled in from Greenwich in his snowboard boots, Ben who actually went home to get his sickest trainers yet, and Arjun for his fat yellow tongues
Enjoy!

The Day We Broke Liam

Liam is not a happy man.
The person charged with the responsibility for the smooth running of the good ship HMS Karma lost his rag late last night due to the appalling state of the karma kitchen.
Liam has previously threatened us with 'kitchen-kam', warning posters and the occasional refusal to let us use any cups.
But this action is the most extreme and, in many ways, the most joyous yet: he has removed everything from the kitchen, cups, plates, cutlery, even the microwave and toaster.




A man clearly on the edge, Liam then emailed us all to explain.



The cracks are beginning to show, the nervous twitch is ramping up and the general air of terror has increased.
Sorry Liam, but please can we have our mugs back?

Dapper Friday

Dapper Friday is a long standing tradition at KrispyKarma where the boys and girls dress up all fancy to show off what lurks within their IKEA wardrobes. Usually the boys look like a mix of JWT account directors and Harvard first year students, and the girls like they are off to a right posh do. All in all, the Krew scrubbed up beautifully and there was much loving throughout the day.

From Tattoos to Teas

Working with our friends at White Ribbon Alliance has seen us do some really enjoyable stuff this year. From placing tattoos on everyone from Lily Allen to our ordinary selves at Glastonbury and Bestival, to now creating a little Mum's Cafe at the Labour Party conference. Here's are very own Nicola having a cuppa there last week.


All the fun we've been having is happening to raise awareness for the Million Mums campaign. If you don't know much about it then it's worth having a little look here.

http://www.millionmums.org/

Lunch trumps: Kanna

Latest addition to your official Karmarama lunch spot Top Trumps set. Enjoy.

Is it just us?

Sidney and I were looking at KFC's latest product - the Cheesy Roller, a melange of chicken, cheese and tangy bbq sauce which we are sure is quite delicious.



And it's not a particularly clever bit of commentary but we couldn't help thinking it looked quite a lot like a gentleman's largest finger.

That is all.

Join Karmarama Kwik To Kome To Our Kristmas Trip

So it's been a tough old year. We've sold a couple of organs on ebay, grown veg in the garden and started using the tap in the kitchen. But good old Karmajarma has done pretty well and to celebrate, we're taking all our beautiful people on the ski trip of a life time.



Somehow we've found a chalet that sleeps 52 people, half way up a mountain somewhere cold.



We've got the plane booked, the fuel paid for and the drinks cabinet full. All we're missing is you. If you've been sniffing around our gaff and are thinking of joining our happy team, then move swift-like as Hattie is closing the list soon. Apparently if we exceed 52 then the partners will have to have hotel rooms of their own. Hurrah (both from a partner's 'No one's pants in my face when I wake up' perspective, and from a happy camper 'Now the boss is away let's play play play' perspective.



Obviously if the plane goes down and we're all mincemeat, we'll be passing the agency on to the local hairdressers who'll do a good job we're sure.

Karmarama Ping Pong Academy launches

Karmarama this week officially launches the Karmarama Ping Pong Academy, with private coach Shirwen Remata available to book for lessons in their club room ‘The Theatre of Tears’ from Monday-Friday 9:30am-8:30pm.

Shirwen is ranked number 8 in the Philippines, and in addition to coaching at Karmarama, Shirwen plays across the UK at professional table tennis tournaments with Karmarama as his official sponsor, recently finishing as runner up in the Liverpool Open 2009.

“Shirwen is an awesome player and a really lovely bloke, and I’m really pleased that he’s working with us. As well as coaching people from all over London he trains our current squad members and is also helping recruit new players for our two teams. My lofty ambition this year is that we won’t be the shittest team in London, he is our new secret weapon.”
David Buonaguidi

If you would like to book a lesson with Shirwen for just £15 an hour, call him on 07545 581624.

For further information see:
http://www.karmapingpong.com

Credit where it's due...

click here to view

Recently we broke a rule here at Karmarama, and, occasioned by a sighting of a dementedly awful poster, were forced to publicly name and shame a fellow practitioner of our craft.

Just to redress the balance I thought it would be nice to celebrate an advertisement that raises a smile whenever it bounces onto my screen of an evening, joyfully putting a donk on the ITV3 ad break, to what is, I imagine, the utter bemusement of its largely elderly audience.

I only wish I had a car to sell them. I would especially to hear what the chap doing the Ian Wright-esque rap has to say about tax and invoice arrangements.

The return of Dapper Friday!!

That's right it's back. Click on the picture below for more information and remember to dress up if you're coming in for a meeting on Friday or you'll feel all embarrassed and that for looking like a scruff.

Karma cars

We were sent this over from a friend who recently went to the Frankfurt motor show (the picture not the car).

Karma cars are made by Fisker Automotive and although looking like bad ass super cars from the outside, on the inside they are actually all kind and loving to the environment as a result of being hybrid and solar powered and such like. We've got two on order. One to park on the roof of the office for the IT department to work out of and the other as an agency runabout to pick up bread, Marmite and the occasional fish and chips.

Get yours here- http://karma.fiskerautomotive.com/

Meet Tricia: She's not Scottish, she's better.

Luckily for Tricia her mum asked her when she was 7 whether she wanted to be Scottish or famous. Being a pretty sharp girl at the time and thinking on her feet she chose fame. Ever since she's never stepped out the limelight and has also been lucky enough never to have to step over the border into Scotland. (According to a Mintel report published in March 1936 being famous makes her 1437 times better than any living Scot).

Her fame and success over the last 15 years has come in many forms. The early days saw her getting hit upon by Wrexham, Crystal Palace and Tottenham Hotspur striker Chris Armstong in a West End nightclub. Interestingly the same Chris Armstrong who in 1995 was the first Premiership player to be banned for cannabis consumption (Tricia maintains she was not involved). Only a couple of years later Tricia had her second brush with fame when she dated a guy who believed he was Jesus, who's story made page seven of the Croydon Guardian in 1999. Most recently (and significantly) she won over the hearts of our great nation in reaching the semi-finals of Britain's Got Talent as a burlesque dancer in the group Caburlesque. Check her out doing her thing below, she's the naughty one stroking Dec's face at 3.00 mins with her feathers.



Her grandfather was a Sir, she hates Craig David, she's worked as a clown on a farm and a cleaner on a submarine and is now Karmarama's superb new receptionist and general office legend.

Be nice and say hello to her when you ring.

Shamefully Bad Advertising

There's a lot of old tosh in this industry of ours with some very, VERY bad ideas knocking around.

We don't often comment about them on this blog, instead preferring to write about what we're eating or who's chatting up who (or whom).

But when something like this comes along you just have to say something, because this is possibly the worst, and I mean the WORST ad ever.

So many questions, so little time or breath for answers.

Like, why Kevin Costner? Why SHOULD we fly Turkish Airlines or Airways or whatever the bleedin' hell it is? WHY oh why is Kevin leering like that? And why is it here, in our manor, singularly devoid of insight, idea, drama or kreadividy?

Any answers much appreciated. Any ads believed to be worse (not possible surely) VERY much appreciated.

Someone out there should be ashamed.

Meet Gemma: She's Also Scottish And She Sings. Nicely

Gemma joined us a while back but we never shouted about it because she was freelance so we were a bit suspicious of her and while she was here loads of things went missing. But then we hired her proper and only a few things go missing now.

So Gemma's Scottish (blimey, the place is overrun with them at the mo') but she's got a right odd accent on account of her being born in Muscat which is in Oman which is a desert country a lot like Camber Sands. With oil rather than chip shops.

Gemma is, in her own fair words, a talented singer. She had several auditions for this year's X Factor but didn't get on to the final show as she didn't have a sad story. We offered to knock her up with several kids or do her knee caps in so she'd need a shopper mobility scooter but she declined. Clearly having a cracking voice only gets you so far. You really need a bit of social trauma in there too.

Gems also loves all things digi, has a number of anonymous blogs and buys loads of cack off ebay and sells it for huge profits.

She also has one of the nicest smiles around.

Meet Jamie: He's Scottish

This is Jamie and he joined us recently to work on lastminute.com (NEVER forget the .com bit, never ever never).

We call him Wee Jocky. It's not smart, clever or very PC, but it makes us laugh.

He commutes from his Glaswegian council flat every day by hitching down the M1.
This means unfortunately we only have him in the office for an average of 23 minutes a day, but boy, those are 23 good minutes.

Jamie enjoys kittens and embroidery and was once on children's TV as a lampost.

He's a lovely bloke and is also veeeery good at rounders and really loves his cricket.

Jamie is also a part time model for the Lakeland catalogue because he has astonishingly beautiful and tender hands.

New! Karmarama Top Lunches

We are very excited and delighted to be birthing an entirely new concept in the world of eating out.

Mike, the god of the studio, has created the first in what will be a long line of Top Lunches cards detailing where's best for grub in our local area.

Mike promises this will be the first of many, delivered regularly on a Friday, regardless of how busy he is because he can magic client work away just-like-that.

And it's only right and fitting that we launch with the Miran Masala as their curry-in-a-box deal is such splendid value and top nosh that is has us and our widening tums returning time and time again.

Finally, we'd just like to say that any similarity between our new Top Lunches cards and a similarly very well trade mark protected brand of popular playing cards is entirely coincidental.

Meet Dan: Handsome, 7 years Old, Cycles 97 Miles A Day

So we asked Dan to write about himself but he's too "busy" to do it. Yeah, right, whatever.
We lured Dan away from St Luke's for 99p and a packet of Chewits.
Dan is not only the youngest person to ever work in advertising, he's also one of the most beautiful. But more important than that is the fact that he lives in Greenwich and he cycles in every day. Which is a HUGE distance of at least 97 miles, possibly more. That's like cycling from New York to Chicago every day (that's for our one reader from the US - hi, how's it hanging? Go Obama) or cycling from Moscow to Brighton. Sort of.
Dan works on Nintendo and his looks. He's a lovely lad, veeeery good at rounders and speaks very posh. And is possibly the nicest bloke in advertising, which makes him perfect for us.
I have nothing more to say. Other than asking Dan to marry me.

Is This The World's Worst Tea Pot

It's a bit like school time 'show and tell' here at PharmaBarma sometimes. People get over excited and bring in silly little things to show their friends. And then it ends up getting dumped in the kitchen or the toilet. Like this tea pot.



Lordy Lordy. Surely this must be the biggest load of tat ever found anywhere. If someone wants it for their crap tea pot collection please let your friendly, new age and harder working comms agency know and we'll pack it right off to you. Sad person that you are.

Karmarama: Now 'Market Town Club' Size

Golly, we've grown a bit.

A few months ago when our last phone list came out (listen, stop it, that's big news down KarmaKountry way) we talked about how, only a wee bit back when we were in Great Titchfield St we were garden shed sized (22 of us had a Christmas bash in a shed - honestly).



And then suddenly we were church hall sized with 55 of us out here in W14.



Well, the glourious phone list has been updated again and look how many of us there are now:



Yes



After a bit of spatial awareness calculation, a couple of floor mapping exercises and a cup of tea, planning has worked out that we are now officially the perfect size to fit into a market town club.



Now the important point to make here, before anyone says we're bragging or we've got ideas above our station, planning insists that it's a bit of a shit market town club, on the fringes of the town, probably somewhere you have to drive to, maybe need to wear shoes but definitely not jeans to get into, will have a ladies night on a Thursday, definitely have bouncers on the door and in the bogs and has always got lots and lots of bother going on. And it has VERY sticky dance floors.

We hope to grow a little bit bigger quickly before we get glassed as it's all about to kick off in here

Meet Arjun (by Arjun)

Arj was born in London but moved to the tiny island of Tobago at the tender age of 1. During the next 16 years he perfected the arts and tricks associated with the yo yo, finally managing to conquer all on the island and earn a place at the Caribbean regional finals in Barbados which would have given him a shot of a finals place in Miami. He unfortunately failed to qualify. The shame of not making these finals drove him away from the Caribbean and back to London where he sold posh suits to rich people in Selfridges, tried becoming an accountant but got bored, moved into a finance department at a small advertising agency and got bitten by the creative bug. He then moved through some of London’s bigger more established agencies producing some great work along the way, also during this time he tried multiple times to get a job at Karmarama but Dave thought he was a call centre worker and never took his calls. Despite this knock back he really admired the founding principles of Karmarama in particular the ‘no wanker policy’ and managed to impress the partners a few years later with his perfection of the Queens english and the hardest yo yo trick of all time, the ‘Three Leaf Clover’.

We've been growing! (and here comes the proof!)

We've banged on a lot about the number of empty seats that have slowly been filled with the good bums of great new people here at Kramarama. Back in the good old days when new joiners arrived we used to stop work for 4 straight days, lock up the agency and all cycle to a small town just outside Abersoch in North Wales to plant a tree to celebrate their arrival. However, times have changed and we're busy people nowadays which has meant we have got a little slack about welcoming all the nice new people that are brave enough to make the trek on a daily basis to W14 (sorry). Sadly there's no tree anymore but there are the bright lights of the blog! So get ready to meet some new Karmacrew all this week...

Pete Fowler at the Truman Brewery

Pete's a good friend of the agency and has helped us on all sorts of things from designing our Ping Pong mascot, DJing at agency events to looking after Hattie when she had her poorly back. Here's some pictures of the brilliant mural he finished up yesterday at the Truman Brewery, it looks amazing and is well worth going down to see it in all it's glory. 10 out of 10!

Dave's Birthday, A Hog Roast For The Agency, And A Very Poor Picture

Last week was Dave's 65th birthday.

To go with his Freedom Pass we decided to buy him a pair of dodgey old NHS specs, a shirt from Oxfam, but most excitingly of all, a proper full on hog roast.

Said hog arrived in a metal spit and pit, ready charred.



The agency dutifully queued and feasted on what supposedly can feed over 100 people. Strangely, we finished most of it. Could be because we have a lot of wasters here who spend all their pennies on beer and fill their bellies at such events. The combined crew of Steve, Craig and Jono (the usual offenders) managed to slam down 15 portions between them.

Damn fine hog, damn fine agency.

Happy pension Dave.
(sorry about the rubbish photo)

Feast For a King: No.2 In A Very Irregular Series

So there I was in Exmouth Market wondering where to eat when I remembers that there is a very nice little pie & mash shop there. As I passed trendy young things buying falafels and mung bean whatnots from stalls and so-hip-I-could-just-die types sipping their smoothies outside overpriced cafes, I went to Cookes where, apart from a couple of low life geezers (bless 'em), I was the only punter.

And this is what fast, cheap food really is all about.



£3.20 for pie, mash and liquour.
Served in 23 seconds flat.



Finished in 3 minutes 43 seconds flat.

Nice work.

Next week, The Ivy. Maybe

Karmarama Summer Sports Day

A day full of triumphant joy, laughter, bruises, sunshine, lovely food, cold beers, grubby feet and many grass burnt knees.

Why I Love Karmarama

Well there's lots of reasons, too many to mention.
But, working out in the garden today and looking in at the agency, it just struck me what a brilliant feeling the place has, with nice and decent people doing good work.
So I drew a picture of it. Not a great picture, but a picture all the same.
Have a look, then close your eyes and imagine it, and then you'll be here with us.
Nice.

As one sadly departs another is born...

Bye bye...
Last Wednesday, a day I now refer to as 'Dark Grey Wednesday' my lovely bike was stolen from deepest darkest Shoreditch. As you can imagine only a few words can explain how I have been feeling over these past few days and unfortunately none which Nicola will allow me to write on this blog. So, as I struggle to adapt to my new life without my beloved, self built pedal machine apart from a little bit of pity directed towards me I ask you to do only one thing-

Please keep your eyes peeled for anyone riding around on my bike and if you see them leave a comment below with full facial descriptions, height, weight and preferably an address of where they live or work. Even better, if between reading creative advertising agencies blogs you are also a thieving pikey that steals bikes, can I have mine back please?

Helloooo...
Making my loss even harder to stomach Dave has gone and built himself what can only be described as a sex machine with pedals. He has also got the lipstick to match but may I suggest if you are that 'thieving pikey' that also likes to read advertising blogs this is one bike you don't try and steal.

Win A Karma Bottle Caption Competition

Alright, alright, I know I said only the super nice get one of our water bottles, but we've decided to offer one up to the winner of our caption competition.

Based around our recent summer party, have a looki at the photos and fill in some simply hilarious captions, send them in as comments, we'll post them and the winner gets a branded drinking bottle.

Couldn't be simpler. More summer party piccies following soon

And The Good People Of Karmarama Shall Have Water

The only problem with all this rehydration nonsense is not just the environmental problems of all those plastic bottles but, and let's be honest this is FAR more important, also how rubbish they make the office look, cluttering up desks and making those funny crinkling sounds whenever anyone drinks from them.

Step forward then Prof Hilary Cootes who has created our very own branded agency water bottles to adorn each person's desk.



Now we can guzzle, suckle and chug to our heart's delight knowing that the only damage we're doing is to the agency's bank balance.

If anyone would like to buy one, well you can't as it's strictly employees only. Or people who are very kind to us. Or people who like to give us lots of money and toys.

Supp up.

The ice cream man came to W14 (and then went)

It's hot. And according to BBC weather W14 is officially the hottest post code in the UK. With no air conditioning and limited amounts of fans the Karmarmy are doing everything possible to stay a little less hot. Yesterday saw the visit of the local ice cream man who helped us all cool down for approximately 3 minutes thanks to his magically frozen treats.



(If by chance the ice cream man reads are blog- Please come back soon!)

Glastonbury preparations begin

The sun is shining today in W14, but don't let that fool you. With Glastonbury only 2 nights sleep away excitement is building in the office for the lucky few heading down. However, rain has been promised by the gods so preparations have been doubled to make sure feet and pants stay dry and faces remain smiling throughout. Craig 'experienced festivaler' Jones is heading down to Worthy Farm for his 413th Glastonbury and this year he has found what he personally describes as 'the ultimate festival weapon'. Testing was undertaken this morning to confirm this claim and we can now exclusively reveal that these simple pair of waterproof jeans will increase happiness levels in rain by 89%.

TEST 1: What would happen if someone pours a beer in your pocket?


TEST 2: What would happen when it really chucks it down? (Dave and Jono repolicate Glasto showers)


TEST 3: What would happen if it continues to rain all weekend? (Dave and Arj replicate the Saturday afternoon shower)


TEST 4: If you spill beer down yourself could you quickly collect it before it hits the ground?



So, in conclusion, if you see Craig at Glastonbury feel free to throw beer all over him. He won't mind at all.

Ow! My Bleedin' Knee

Sidney here, with more cycling related mishaps.
One of the problems of whizzing your way through the streets of London on a couple of bits of lightweight aluminum, is that when cars either don't bother to indicate in front of you, or just sort of STOP in front of you for no apparent reason, it's kinda difficult to STOP too, without falling off, especially if you're wearing stupid clip-in shoes.
And that's what happened to me.



So, Mr Blue Mini Driver who's a bit too friendly with the brake pedal and who thinks it's OK to suddenly STOP in the middle of the road without warning, and who thinks it's OK when a rather gangly bloke disappears from your rearview mirror with a 'Arrrgggghhh' and doesn't bother to STOP again to find out if he's alright, your card is well and truly marked.
May bad Karma really screw up your day.
And my knee, now a bit cleaner and a little less bloody, is really stinging and is now sticking to my jeans.
Nice.

Sorry David - Cameron Nearly Comes A Cropper

Now don't get all MI5 on us and start your waterboarding nonsense, but we have a little breach of security to admit to involving one shadow leader David Cameron.

There was planner Jono, firm of thigh and tight of buttock, grinding away through Hyde Park on his two wheeled steed.
Bobbing in and out of the more conservative (!) cyclists, desperate to get into KarmaKorner as quickly as possible (what with it being such a fab place to work and all), when he just about bolted headlong into some familiar looking geezer coming the other way.
The one and only housewives' favourite, Mr David blooming Cameron.
Mr C was heard to shout out in surprise, but we're delighted to say that this respectful civil servant wasn't potty mouthed, just a bit taken aback with a 'Whoa Whoa Whoa!'.
You read it here first if this becomes part of Conservative debating strategy in the next PM question time.
Also, Big Dave was on his lonesome, with no steroid-friendly security getting in the way, so top respect there.
Naughty Jono, having seen a few moody films of prison life in his time, pleaded 'Sorry David' as he sped past.
So we'd like to also offer a heartfelt apology to Mr C, who's clearly got enough on his plate and doesn't need some spikey haired Bournemouth boy giving him jip.
But if Denmark's third favourite UK agency is closed down in the next week or so, you all know why.

The Day The Mobile Died

Poor Tom.
Once the proud owner of a circa 1998 mobile phone.
It had seen him through thick and thin, creative drought and copy fertility.
Bringer of messages both happy and sad.
Texter of messages both blunt and cryptic.
Held together by sellotape and affection.
But now it's dead.
Gone.
Karked it.
Brown bread.
And in a fittingly formal ceremony, Tom read out an emotive eulogy to a gathered audience of people who really had nothing better to do that sunny afternoon.
And then, it was buried in our delightful garden, next to the remains of the chipmunk and Craig's treasure chest of mucky mags.
So, if you pop by and take some rays in our garden, be sure to pay your respects.
And give Tom a hug.
But don't expect a call from him anytime soon.

The Good Karma Life

Never slow to recognise the need to feed the hungry and the needy, we've got our green fingers out and started colonising space up on the roof to grow a few bits and bobs. Thanks to a few purchases from the local Homebase, and Barry from the local estate, we're planting all sorts of things up there. We're expecting a bumper harvest soon.



Here, showing off their green fingers are Debbie and Bonnie. I'm desperately trying to stop myself making a euphemistic error here, so I best sign off

Respect The Client

We don't often feature clients on our blog here at K'rama, but felt that our lastminute.com fella Rob deserved a special mention.



As you know we like our bikes here and heroes of the agency can often be found sweating their way around old London town.

Well Rob takes the biscuit as he cycles 17 miles to work, and 17 miles back again. 17 miles! That will like take you to another country and that.

Top respect Rob, but sort those pins out mate cos they look well rank

Gemma's X Factor

We have a right start in the making here going by the name of Gemma Knoxxy Knox and she's just about to go through the final stages of getting an audition on X Factor. Blow me!



To help Gemms on her way, your favourite industry vagabonds got together to audition her 4 fav songs to find the one killer tune.
In the presence of tight-pants Cowell, sexy Cheryl, wispy Louie and the plastic one, Gemms sang her heart out whilst everyone else drank wine and ate orange corn-based snacks.




We can't reveal the winning song - you'll have to got through the pain of tuning in to ITV for that - but suffice to say, it's going to be a cracking performance

Happy Ninth Birthday to Us

Blimey! Who'd have thought it? We've only gone and made it to 9. Gosh and crikey.



There's been weird goings-on all day, with congos, Hattie wearing french sticks as extra arms and Mike only being able to talk through a megaphone





Just think, 9 years ago today two blokes sat down at a kitchen table, came up with a silly name and started to do some good work.

9 years later here's a few of the high (and low) points:

- from 2 people to 57 people
- 5 office moves
- 2 partners, 1 partner, 2 partners, 3 partners, then 4 partners
- the creation of Kream, an independent TV production company
- a lot of ping pong played
- a lot of ping pong lost
- promoting what became the highest ever watched TV shows on History Channel, Comedy Central and the Sci-Fi Channel
- the most successful Nintendo UK advertising ever
- bird flu, swine flu and man flu all survived (so far)
- won the Naked football tournament
- frequent cross dressing
- losing our minds and our dignity in Berlin, Prague and the Tivola Hut
- making friends with Trinny and Susannah
- writing for BB2
- writing for David Cameron
- getting the Hoff's single to No.2 in the charts
- acquiring an agency mini convertable
- trashing an agency mini convertable
- getting a garden
- giving Craig a proper job
- bringing back sporting legends from the dead for Paddy Power
- finding a cure for bird flu with Pomegreat
- teaching Brits how to speak Amstel
- throwing parties that are still talked about years later
- keeping the Yorkshire Grey in business
- making Ben the industry's 3rd most beautiful person
- building a ping pong room in our basement
- letting a lot of people have a lot of sex with each other
- the partners never having any sex, either with each other or anyone else
- running about the crappist blog ever
- having a 'no wanker' hiring policy
- several births, a few marriages and no deaths that we're aware of
- more bikes per head than any other agency in the world other than a small agency in Argentina called 'El Biko'
- keeping Craig in a proper job
- being voted Sweden's second favourite agency (even though we're not in Sweden)
- making W14 sexy
- doing the world's first ever 3 channel hopping ad
- and just generally being about the nicest possible place you could ever want to work

And we hope to be here for a bit longer to add to this. Of course if anyone has any more high/lows to add please do

Clas Act

Yesterday some of the Clas Ohlson team attended the opening of their new store in the Arndale in Manchester. 

We were very excited to see Manchester plastered in Tom and Robin's wonderful advertisement hoardings.

We were delighted to hear the speeches from the Swedes - which were an object lesson in Karmarama type values - they really do good by their staff, hugging each member of the new store team and giving them all a little Swedish horse to welcome to the family. 

And most of all, we were gleeful to see a baying mob of new customers whipped up by Tom and Robin's good works, reportedly a much bigger crowd than Apple managed when they launched their new store previously.

But were unimpressed to see the Head of the Arndale Centre making off with one of the loss-leading offer items, having breakfasted with the nice people and drunk their coffee. Tut. 

When Dr Sketchy came to W14

We were very lucky to be able to host our very own Private Dr Sketchy session, catered by the marvellous Betty Blythe at 40 Vernon Street last week. (For those who are not yet acquainted with the Great Works of the Dr Sketchy crew, they run a life drawing evening class... with a difference. The difference being a selection of the finest Burlesque Perfomers in town, 

and the marvellous Dusty Limits hosting, compering, wisecracking, inspiring and, frankly, mocking our work. It's pretty unique, and ace fun). We were entertained by two great and very saucy personages in the form of Sarina and Spencer.

3 naughty performances, several bellinis, a programme of short poses,  a handful of Creative Mandates (draw him as a Bond Villain, draw her as a Skeleton etc) and many primitive illustrations of the male sexual parts later, we had a body of work ready for the Vision On Wall. If the Vision On wall was located in an adult bookshop, that is. 

Clare from Dr Sketchy, who also runs a fabulous store in Portobello Road, presided and provided prizes. David was very happy indeed with his tassles, I think. Alex and Nicola were charmed by Spencer's chainmail codpiece. Ben was just happy to be there.

Go Cootes Go!

It's marathon weekend and our very own Hiliary (Cootes) has been eating up the concrete of Richmond Park for the past few months in preparation for the big day. As a previous New Zealand Under 9's high hurdles champion expectations here at Karmarama are high and come Sunday we're all heading down to cheer our Kiwi on to the finish line. And to show our support and make sure she spots us at the 24 mile mark (which is highly unlikely!) the Lastminute.com team have decided to replicate her now famous look.

Gemma, Hils, Lisa, Jamie and Pete donning official Go Cootes Go! eyewear and supporters T-shirts.


...The reaction this morning on seeing the Go Cootes Go! campaign go live.


Good Luck Hils!! (We'll let you know how she gets on)

Karma Ping Pong site goes live

Rich with the historic story of the club, exclusive Karma Ping Pong merchandise and the once secretive contact details of club coach Shirwen. Media Guardian, The Beano and ETTA (English Table Tennis Association) have recognised www.karmapingpong.com as one of the most significant and ground breaking websites of the decade. See for your self here.

Kitchen surveillance (KCCTV)

Over the past few weeks our kitchen standards have dropped and for an agency that prides ourselves on our culinary prowess we are deeply ashamed. Certain measures have been put in place in the past to keep the sides clean and the fridge in tip top order however yesterday saw a completely new initiative upheld- KCCTV.


Here's Bobbie captured only minutes ago showing what you should do after you have used the sugar (put it back on the sugar shelf). If you capture any foul play on surveillance please report it to Liam and he will enforce that the culprit comes over to your house and cooks you dinner every night for the rest of your life.

Check it out here.

KFC Blowout - I'm Not Proud

There comes a time in every adlander's life when they are going out with mates for a big one. So, what does one line one's stomach with to try and ease the madness of the day after? Milk? Smoothies? Currant Buns? Polyfilla?

No. It's something called a 'Fully Loaded Box' from Hammersmith KFC.

It wasn't smart, it wasn't tasty and I'm not proud. In fact, I can only show you the debris.



Suffice to say I had a minging hangover the next day.

If you truly do hold the magic key to what to line your stomach with, please tell all. People are dying here.

Buongiorno! Italian Day

Last Wednesday, our head Boy, Liam, hosted the first Italian Day in our offices. 

You may not be aware of this anniversary, which is customarily celebrated in costume, over home made pizzas, to the music of Bon Jovi and Louis Prima,  culminating with a 5pm Karaoke. 

That's because Liam made it up. 

I'm not sure if the luncheon aspect of it will become an annual tradition, however. Thanks to a quite dodgy pizza oven, our creations took an entire afternoon to cook and in most cases tasted a bit like a rubbery mattress with TK on top. Many folks resorted to Dominos at 3pm, in spite of the scowls of poor Liam sweating over a lukewarm furnace for their dinner:

"Italian Chef: Cheaper than the Little Chef but still as disgusting" - Don Strattoni

But the dressing up was a fine effort and most enjoyable, especially for those who witnessed Calli and Angie hosting a presentation to our (slightly bemused) Clas Ohlson clients, or Nicola/ Ben off to the Ivy dressed as Donatella Versace and a Milanese Playboy respectively (sadly no pics were taken of Nicola...)

And what is a party without the Head Boy belting out Tom Jones classics at 5.30pm with a bottle of Peroni in hand? No kind of party at all... that's what. 

Being Really Nice to People: Now that's what we call Direct Mail

As if this morning weren't sunny enough for smiling faces, Nicola just received a package from a strange man that contained a ring featuring the names of all of her children.

Apparently this jewellery designer was perusing the A List, found the Karmarama name, and was about to make us a ring with our name in it, to showcase his wares, for potential gifts, but decided to use Gabi, Dani, Sam and Zac's names instead, wrought in silver and gold.

It fits perfectly, and Nicola is quite overwhelmed.

So, B2B DM companies, you may take your scattergun boxes of gimmickry, Mr Adrian Madden of Sanaer Jewellery Creations Ltd  has won our hearts. Talk about Karma!

How much fun can one boy have on his birthday?

This much.

The Fastest Growing Agency in the Known World!

Lovely Hattie just reminded us all today that we had our Christmas 07 party at a restaurant where we all sat at tables inside a shed. Seriously. We were, quite literallllllllly, a shed-sized agency.

Just as we're preparing for an all agency meeting Hattie has now been hit by the startling prospect of NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND A ROOM BIG ENOUGH FOR ALL OF US!

I'm not quite sure who sold their soul to who, but boy did it work. Hattie did a quick count up on the latest phone list showing that we now have 51 people! Bugger me sideways. Where did they all come from?

We'd like to take this moment to thank all those involved, especially Kate Winslett without whom none of this would have been possible.

A shed-sized agency? We believe we are now a community centre or maybe a church hall sized agency.



Nice work.

Great Breakfasts of The World No.1

As the first in an unlikely to be repeated series I'd like to introduce the Austria equivalent of the full English. As I was luxuriating in my Viennese hotel room awaiting the start of a top international meeting of top international people, room service arrived and with it this interesting little plate of oddness.

As you'll instantly see, a few of the time honoured rules of breakfasts have been breeched.

Firstly, there's veg on the side. And cold veg at that. As we all know the only permissible brekkie veg is tatties. And maybe tommies, but only if there are out of a tin and bear no resemblance to their origin.

Second, there's raw (I mean RAW!) cheese i there, and third, some ham stuff that really needs to see the inside of a frying pan.

But worst was to come: the egg cup had a hat on it.



Now call me old fashioned or stomp into my country of domicile and declare it your own, but are egg cups allowed to have a hat?

The whole thing had a charm all of its own and the egg and a not unpleasant rubbery texture that I enjoyed bouncing my spoon upon.



I consumed it with glee, washed my teeth, put my pants on and went to my meeting sated.

I hope my fellow Karma pals take up this fascinating journey into the global breakfast underground. But it's unlikely they will

Yeeha!! It's birthday season

Last week saw us celebrate a couple of Karma folk birthdays. Firstly, and most importantly (due to the special age) we celebrated Ben's on Tuesday with a bit of champagne. This was shortly followed by Tom's birthday bonanza on Friday with a bit of Carlsberg export and Diamond White!



With Tom's birthday rather luckily landing on a Friday mixed with the unusual choice of extraordinarily strong booze we headed to the ever dependable Yorkshire Grey to continue festivities. From there we staggered to The Social, and finally could be found holding each other up in the Spanish bar at the end of the night. There was the usual Dave speeches, generous presents, booze, cakes, candles, tears, laughter, petting-zoos*, bouncy castles* and the occasional tantrum**. But with hardly enough time to clean up the spilt jelly and ice cream off the carpet, patch up relationships and return left behind clothing we are doing it all again this Friday for the birthday of our very own digital guru Craig. This time it looks like we are heading to the no less dependable Bricklayers Arms...

* not really
** ask Craig

The Snowbeast

So, not many of us made it in today. But those that did had such fun.



Just look at our lovely snowbeast.

Unfortunately, we got a bit carried away, hence the censored sign.

Sorry to all our loyal readers for our juvie pranks.

You can download the uncensored version at ipledgeafivertokarmarama.com

Karmarama Jewelery

I think this is the last of the Karmarama's of the world posts. Although I know there is a Karmarama cafe in a park in Brent somewhere but it's too far north for me.



When we shocked the establishment and moved to cutting edge and cool Kensington* we found we were actually the second Karmarama in W14. The first, Karmarama the jewelery stand is in High Street Kensington tube station and is run by a very nice lady selling what seems to be very nice bits and bobs for your body. It looks shut down in the photo I took this morning, but I am assured it's still a thriving business (she just gets in a little later on Fridays). Anyhows, another nice Karmarama of the world who no doubt believe in being nice to people and playing ping-pong.

*not quite true

Super Hero Tuesday

You may know from reading this award winning blog* that we're quite fond of fancy dress and love a good old impromptu dress up. Besides, this time in January can be really quite boring with at least half the agency on beer and wine amnesty. So for part of a recent in house production (which will air on a Bulgarian TV dating channel later in the spring**) Sid donned his infamous Captain Cock costume and Josh painted himself with Chlorine.





* this is not an award winning blog.
** this channel may not exist.

Karmarama the band

Now my french is rather limited but if I'm not mistaken the website states that Karmarama's music is inspired by the mystical melodies of nature and the scents of the forest!? They look like a funny bunch this Karmarama, but you can't argue that the tunes are disturbingly relaxing. Although I am not quite sure if they fit with their communications which promise 'world, pop or jazz'. Peace.

Karmarama is good for you. Fact.

Karmarama is one of Emma and Tom's fruit juices. The company is from Australia and Australian owned. They support Australian fruit, vegetable and botanical producers and use their products as often as they can.

From the nutrional information below, it is clear to see that Karmarama is amazingly good for you.


And according to their website, 'Karmarama has a hefty dose of vitamins A and C with orange, pineapple and mango juices. Banana has been added to boost your energy, while passionfruit has been thrown in to keep you calm. Siberian and Korean ginseng are believed to improve performance, stamina, energy and digestion'.

All in all, it seems Karmarama gives you at least 7 of your 5 a day!

The Karmarama- The sleepy hippies of Startopia

Dave will correct me on this, but I believe when a journalist googled Karmarama after seeing the Make tea not war poster on the anti-war march, he came across the Karmaramans of Startopia before us. He consequently, in his article attributed the source of the poster to the online hippie commune.

Wikipedia says, StarTopia is a computer game from Mucky Foot Productions and published by Eidos in 2001, in which the player administrates various space stations with the task of developing them into popular hubs. (We don't understand either!).

What we do know is that The Karmarama are a happy-go-lucky bunch who have a love of farming that supersedes all but their passion for catching Z's. They have four arms (like us), purple, dread-locks and work exclusively as farmers and environmentalists on the game, turning empty fields into verdant forests.

Its seems the Karmarama of Startopia are a nice bunch. Whats more they are peace-loving and laid back. They groove in time with the Sirens, and eat and sleep a lot more than other species.

They're actually a lot like us.

Karmarma the album

Karmarama is the second album of Irish pop band Picturehouse.


It was released by the label East West in 1998 and went Platinum within a month. The Dublin based band first came to real prominence via the Irish music scene in the late 90's with their independently released debut album 'Shinebox'. As a result they soon found themselves getting invites from big name acts to join them on tour including; The Corrs, Mel C, Texas, Runrig, Bon Jovi, The Divine Comedy and the one and only Meat Loaf!

To launch Karmarama, the band toured Europe for a massive 2 years and according to Dave Browne (lead singer and song writer) 'it's where the madness really happened!'. Sunburst, a track off the album went down a storm and subsequently spent 8 weeks at 18 in the Irish charts. Watch it below...



Buy the album here and find out more about the band here. Rumour has it they are re-recording an album set for release very soon...

Next up, Karmarama; the happy go lucky farmers of Startopia.

Karmarama's of the world

You would think that due to how insanely difficult and annoying it is to spell out Karmarmaama over the phone to people, that very few others would decide that Karmarama would make a great name for their company.

Behold though, there are many other Karmarama's of the world. And it made us realise that many (actually not that many!) of you may well be reading this blog in the belief these are stories about a jewellery stand in High Street Kensington tube station, a French restaurant and spa band, the blog for the Irish band Picture House's latest album, a cafe in Brent, a flavour of fruit juice in Australia, a clothes shop in Australia or a happy go lucky bunch of farmers on the game Startopia. So, we apologise for the confusion and just to clear things up, this week we are going to talk about all the other Karmarama's of this world. Enjoy.

Christmas party look-a-likes

Found these photos this morning tucked away next door to the photo gallery from the Karmararmy Kristmas party. Some inspired work from Dave is just too good not too share with you. So here are some more pics from the party next door to their celebrity look-a-likes.


My personal favourite; Craig and Jimmy MacElroy from Blades of Glory separated at birth


With Aaron now gone, Tom takes over as the agency's Freddie Mercury look-a-like.


Hattie borrowed Robin's clothes for the night and went as Pete the pirate


Ben dons the cork tache for the Dastardly look


And finally Ben and Dave recreate the scene from Elf.

It has been a while...

I know you missed us and thank you for all the Christmas cards you kindly sent us. We are back (all be it a little fatter) so look forward to some 2009 karmaramazing blogging. Here is a selection of photos from our Christmas party to enjoy. So enjoy.


Ben kicked off the speeches.


Sid kicked off the fancy dress.


Dave's inaugural Christmas speech.


Enjoyed by the girls...


...and the boys.


Hattie and her poorly back took the back seat of the bus.


Liam and Kream with their jugs of beer at the restaurant.


Nicola with hers.


Craig and Juli on the bells.


Jono and Dave enjoying Craig's solo on the bells.


We brought a picture of Caroline on a stick with us as the real one was bed ridden.


And then we hit the cabaret club (with no cabaret!).

It was all good.

Emails like this make Fridays, Fridays.

That's right it is that day again and and we shall name it- Meat Friday XII 'The second serving'. Literally as I type, a herd of pigs have been crammed into the back of our convertible mini drenched in barbecue sauce and bound for Hungyrarama.

It's All Gone a Bit Karma Kristmas

Liam, a man with endless energy and an abundance of festive decorations has been treating us to a little bit of seaonal spirit every day.

First we had a nice little green thingy on the entrance



Then reception got a makeover



Then the Wii



Then the stairway



And now Barmarama has been transformed into a warm and cosy fireside



And apparently we're only half way there.

Check later in the week for stables, stars and a few wise men.

Get the mince pies on Mum, Kristmas is now here for sure

Robin sets a new world record

I have come under a bit of pressure this week after my last two posts failed to capture the atmosphere and enthusiasm that has surrounded the agency due to the arrival of both our skateboard and our new snowboarding game. Given such great content and killing it in such a way with just a lazy one sentence is not acceptable. Rather than just erase it and forget it ever happened I am instead apologizing. I'm sorry (Sid) and I'm sorry to our seven readers for boring, boring posts.

So, in return for said boring posts this week I offer you Karmobama's finest ever blog post yet.

Last Sunday whilst sitting down to a traditional English Sunday roast dinner, Robin, our gentleman creative and traditional worldwide explorer decided it was time to go once again where no man had gone before. Having eyed up the current Guinness world record of Ferrero Rochers unwrapped and eaten in 1 minute for many years (it being 5 for your reference) Robin felt it was time to rewrite some records.



And time it certainly was. On that very Sunday evening Robin smashed the record. As I type we are currently sending off the footage to Guinness in return for a little certificate and hopefully some Guinness. Unfortunately it seems he is not the only one who has managed this, but watch this space as it seems the Christmas Party would be an ideal venue to rewrite the record books once again!

Our new deck

Ben bought us a company skateboard to make the trips to the printer more extreme.

Shaun White snowboarding arrives!

The Wii fully comes to life again in the office as Shaun White snowboarding arrives and we hit the mountains! Robin (pictured) is leading the way in the points at the moment...

Olympia smells of sex

Erotica 2008 has arrived in little old innocent Olympia and we don't know where to look. From Mirabell to Best Mengall 2 the stench of rubber and fluff fills the air. Ben and Sid have donned the safety overalls and are heading down to see what all the fuss is about.

New Faces

Gosh it's been a while on the new faces front, hasn't it?
The revolving doors of Karmapia have been ... revolving and fresh faces have come and gone, come and gone and come again.
So, in a completely irregular feature, please say hello to the following fantabulous people:

Calli Sharpe.



Cripes, Calli has been here yonks but we just never got around to saying a proper hello. Calli was previously a fitness instructor and an Algerian assassin before moving into the wacky world of advertising. Calli is top notch and knows her mind and has a dream to free all the young children from bondage and ensure the fish of the sea have enough to eat. Calli is an Account Director and, as Cheryl Cole would say 'We loooooove you'.

Angie Adams.



Angie was only born in March but since then has been outstanding in her general growth and maturity to adulthood. If you youtube Angie's name you can watch an amazing video of her swallowing her own foot. And then the foot of an unsuspecting male bystander. In her spare time Angie is a professional golfer and a deep sea diver. She is an Account Manager and as plastic-fantatic Danni would say 'We loooooooove you sooooo much.'

Liam 'The Tyrant' Stratton.



Liam has killed brick walls just by staring at them and in a former life was a gunslinger in India. We don't quite know how he found us, but Liam just sort of comes in every day, scares us and makes our rather bonkers building work. We haven't actually paid him yet, but he doesn't seem to mind as he lives in the cellar with the ping pong teams' smelly pants. Liam is our Operations Manager and as Louie Walsh would say 'Liam you remind us so much of West Life, but you're better! We love you'.

Hilary Cootes.



Finally, but in no way finally, It's Hilary! Hilary is great although she speaks in a way that none of us actually understand. Hilary's claim to fame is that she is the hair double for the entire cast of Desperate Housewives, both male and female. Hilary is also double jointed and can stand on her head. Literally, stand with her feet on her head, it's incredible. Hilary is an Account Director and as Simon scowlling Cowell would say 'You know Hilary, you've really impressed us, and we think we love you too'.

Oh welcome welcome welcome.

But we're still hiring, and really want a couple of trapeze artists, preferably with some digital planning skills. Let us know if you fit the bill.

The Day Liam Went Stir Fried Bonkers

Well it's been building up for some time.

Poor old Liam has been fighting a losing battle trying to keep the Karma Kitchen spic and span, but without success.
Despite threats of violence, our hard working krew just didn't want to get their mitts mucky washing and tidying up after themselves.

Liam started with some good natured posters 'encouraging' people to do the right thing.



Then, the posters got a bit more aggressive and the threat of 'something drastic' was floated.



But still, no knives were washed, no forks were cleaned, no bowls emptied and no surfaces wiped.

And then, Liam just ... broke!

We came in on Tuesday morning to discover...the cupboards were bare. Quite literally.




Liam had removed every single cup, plate, bowl and piece of cutlery as well as tossing out all the food.

The challenge was to live without for one day, and all would be returned on Wednesday, but if we were naughty again they'd be taken away again, this time for two days, then the next time for three days etc.

So obviously we rallied around, tried not to upset Liam and kept the place clean.

Obviously being an enterprising bunch, we soon found a way around these draconian measures, as Dave and Tom's tea jars show, which were later available for hire at 10p a cuppa.

Breaking News: The Karmacrew Support Rossy

At KarmaKarmaNarna we fight for injustice wherever we find it.
And we think it's unjust what the public, the trash press, and those terrifying old ladies who read the Daily Mail are doing to our beloved Jonathan Ross.
He's a mate of the agency right. We love him. And he lives just round the corner from one of Nicola's 17 mansions.
So just leave it out right!
And never ones to take things lying down, we ram-raided BBC Centre with placards, badges and vitriol campaigning for our boy Ross.
Or as our soon-to-be world-famous slogan put it:
SOLIDAWITY FOR WOSSY.
If you care and want to get involved, pop by and grab some placards and badges and join the movement.
This one's going all the way to the Court of Human Rights. Or at the very least to the Hammersmith High Road and back again.

Val D'Olympia

We went along on Friday like an excited bunch of school kids willing to enjoy any activity but school. (Thanks to Dino for the tickets). In a tiny way it felt like you were in a ski resort for about 3 minutes- the fake snow, the ice rink, the trees, the pixies, the ice bar, the faux chalet, the toffee vodka and the warm cider. However, even after a couple of ciders we could not quite escape the reality of being in just a massive ski shop.

Still it was nice to get out the office for a bit.

Lookalikes II: The Return

(Mindy)


(Siobhann)

Happy Lunchtimes at Karmarama

We got tagged innit.

Its rubbish.

It's Been A While: We've Dressed Up A Dog Again!

In the good old days, when we didn't have many clients and played with our hair a lot, we used to dress up dogs every Friday. It sort of got us through the week and prepared us for the weekend.

Well, we decided to do it again.

We sent new boy Josh out to find a victim, and he found this little fella walking his master along Hammersmith High Road.

Quicker than you could say 'Inbreeding is pretty cruel, but kinda cool too', we'd dressed the little critter up as the Dark Knight.

Next week, we're thinking of dressing a dog as that Dita Von Tesse lady and then getting it to strip, real slow.

Tune in to see what happens.

The Second Coming

It's been a while coming but, from the end of today, there's every chance that our new super-pucker website will be up. Apparently it's all because we are so amazingly advanced that our web 7.0 site kept getting icky and sticky. So we've dumped the poor little thing and, with the help of our friends from Clusta and a little bit of loving from Digi Craig, we're about to get something truly special.
Finger's crossed - sees ya at 5pm today

Will Anyone Ever Eat This Apple?

Some years ago, when I was a nipper, my school took the class on holiday to Italy.
The hotel was well dodge and we suspected that the rank bread rolls were being recycled from one meal time to another.
To test this out, I hollowed out one of the rolls, put a little message inside saying 'hello it's me again' and sealed it up.
Suffice to say, the manky roll turned up every day that week, and is probably gracing a table somewhere to this very day.
Now, bringing you right up to date, I want to talk to you about our fruit bowl and the case of the funny looking apple.
Fruit has a short life span here at KarmaKrackers.
The hungry hoards descend on it as soon as the bowl appears.
But one piece has survived. A little old red apple.
But it's a red apple with a difference, for it appears to have a mutation that has put its bum in the middle of its tummy.




Do you remember Cyril from 'That's Life'?
Are you old enough?
If so, imagine him giving one of his funny gurns right now.
I'll keep you updated on this strange bum-chested piece of unnaturalness and see exactly how hungry someone has to be to sink their gnashers into it.

New Kit Sponsor

T-shirts are very important here at KarmaSutara.
They make us look nice, soak up our sweat from our long cycles in, and make our ping pong heroes look dead professional.
Each year at least 47 non-chargeable man-hours goes into their creation, making the agency t-shirts our third largest client.
Something not quite right there, but still.
Anyway, in these times of change, desperation and financial despair, we decided to turn down the generous sponsorship offer from The Bank Of Bangalore and instead plump for the rock-solid, recession proof and terribly successful company Nintendo.
The fact that they are also very important clients of ours is immaterial.



Anyways, if you fancy getting your mitts on one of our 08/09 season T's, (black, grey or vibrant orange reminiscent of Ajax circa 1978) simply do one of the following:
1. Be very good at ping pong and join the team
2. Be very good at all that advertising malarky and join the agency
3. Explain in less than 50 words exactly what the point of 'it' is
4. Be a client looking for Asia Pacific's fastest growing independent agency and get redirected to us instead
5. Have lots of cash
6. Tell each and everyone of us how nice our hair is.

Choose wisely my friend.

Come Watch Us At Play

Now this is good.
Really really good.
Richard, our IT guru and friend to the occasional pint of 1664 has rigged up a webcam in our new ping pong room.

pingpong.karmarama.com:8080

We'll post up what date and time the various ping pong matches are so you can sneak a peak.
Perhaps more importantly, you can also dip in every now and then to see what nonsense is taking place down there as we also use the area as a meeting room, film studio, book club, flashing area and occasional massage parlour.



Enjoy, as they say in Tooting's 'Afternoon Delight Tanning Studio'.

Oh Now That Looks Goooood

Well we've been quite underwhelmed by the response to our post about Dave's subterranean ping pong den that it feels only right to give you an update.
As you can see, adland's best paid painter and decorator has made rapid progress, giving the room its final touches of intimidating branding.



Latest news is that a webcam is being rigged up to allow a live stream of all the ping pong matches.
And of course all the dodgey goings on from the Friday Night Crew who frequent the basement for their nefarious activities (boys, who so know who you are).
We'll also try and get the cam on the blog for all our zillions of happy readers to watch too.

Making the most of your weekend!

Some of us like to have a beer on Friday evening, stagger home in the early hours of Saturday morning and then proceed to sleep through the rest of the weekend, rising only occasionally for food, water and possibly more beer. Others make sure they make the most out of their free time, grab a copy of Timeout and pack the 2 days full of culture and goodness in this great city that is London.

This weekend Craig decided it looked like a good time for an expedition across the Peak District with his mate Nick. So the two of them packed their waterproofs left W14 and headed for the hills.

Weekend accommodation for two



As the wind picked up a bit the boys began to question whether it was a good idea after all. Still, it beats watching the X factor!

Come Play In The Theatre Of Tears

So we've got this big building right.
Out somewhere west where your normal trads of advertising don't venture.
And this building it's SO BIG right.
But it just 'aint big enough.
So Big Dave, recently paroled from Acton's Young Offenders Institute for a crime he didn't commit, has only gone and built another bloody room!



Dave, frustrated by the inability to swing a ping pong bat in elegant fury and realising that KarmaKramps is growing a bit too quickly to find the requisite space for a ping pong table, has gone under ground, near as dammit dug a new room out of the basement with his own bare knuckles, and decorated it right pretty.



So now, not only does our des-commercial-res boast another room (try it at home - Phil and Kirsty will love it and you can beat the Crunch your own way - but we also have a state-of-the-art-attack ping pong room to play league games a-plenty, ensuring that your favourite indefinable agency can continue to fail miserably in The London Table Tennis (sic) League.

It's titled 'The Theatre Of Tears'

All hail Dave. He's everso slightly bonkers, but lovely with it. Next stop? The roof and London's third runway.

I Am Going To Get Sooooo Told Off For This

But look, what can I say? It really happened.

There was Hattie, sitting alone in one of our meeting rooms, when along comes a rather peculiar shadow that got us tittering.
I won't say any more than that

Swedish Shopping Trip

We went to visit our favourite Swedish hardware/ homewares/ technology/ hobby and garden store and we bought...

A bicycle horn for Robin's bike
A red wine stain remover for Ann's parties
A dashboard mat for our untidy mini
A battery tester for all of Hattie's special electronic musical instruments

A special tattooing pen for Craig and Jono to draw on each other with
Not to mention a couple of special over-sink-vegetable-peeling-sieves, some non stick baking silicone tray stuff, some special velcro car seat bins and some eyebrow tweezers with a torch and a magnifying glass built into them. and we still got on the plane home handluggage only.

Sick Trainer Friday

We like dressing up around here at Karmaridges. Usually on a Friday. And it's usually a bit good.
This Friday is Sick Trainer Friday.
So here's a selection of the illist, sickest, boom-bum-baddest trainers you ever did see.
Well sick as the kids say.

It's All A Bit Billy Bonkers

It's all a bit top secret right, and ever so slightly bonkers, but yesterday we were all jumping a round a bit. Why? Well we'll tell all soon. But boy, can that KarmaKrew bounch

Oh Woody... Come Out To Play

Things move fast here at Kremarama. We see something, we like it, we do it. Last week Ben banned biscuits because his waistline was bulging and they just disappeared overnight. Unlike Ben's muffin-top.

So we were sat around in our nice new building one day, looking at the trees in the garden, stroking our friendly Buddhas, when Dave had the bright idea that we needed to update the Karma family. As well as all our top-ranking employee people, over the years we've had a bit of Van den Pup, the Hoff, Ricardo the masked wrestler and of course our extensive selection of little tubby Buddha fellas.

So Dave had a chat with legendary Pete Fowler, renowned artist, DJ, cravat wearer and long-term Hattie squeeze, and asked him to design us something special. something mid-way between a brand mascot and the bastard love-child of Big Tasty Dave and the nice olive tree currently gracing the garden. And Woody was born!

Here he is in all his 2-D glory. As soon as we get a bit more cash or Dave expenses a couple of moody taxi receipts the plan is to create a life sized model of our new offspring and sit him in the garden for all the birdies and pint of beer to sit upon. Nice

Colmans week actually continues... Day 4!

We have a bit of a habit here that as soon as we do something even remotely enjoyable at work we try and make sure that we do it again. As a result, you may have noticed that we are quite fond of proudly declaring that days of the week should be named after such events happening. A process which is simply there to remind ourselves to partake the following week in said fun. For instance in the past we have had Dapper Thursdays, KFC Friday's, Look-a-like Thursdays, Tash Tuesdays, Chippie Thursdays, BBQ Friday's and Meat day (which infact could be any day). Some stand the test of time others don't...

But today saw the revolution that is Colmans week continue into day 4!

Yesterday saw Hattie cook a brilliant Sausage hotpot.


And today it was just like being in 'trendy' Brick Lane with head chef Sidnii Mecgrat (pictured) putting the apron on and rustling up a 'f*ck me thats good' chicken curry.

A Little Bit of Bling And A Little Bit of Pong

Last week saw the annual Karmarama Ping Pong Open where we invite all comers to sample our hospitality and Amstel beer, and then play to the death on the merciless agency ping pong table.

Actually, it's not to the death. It's for the coveted Bling Pong bat. And everyone wants it.

The evening rocked along to tunes by the Cherrystones as people gathered, drank, played, humiliated themselves, had indecent conversations and generally had a right royal knees up.

Compared by our one and only Davey B, the finalists were Ray 'The Quiet Hitman' Lee and last year's winner Mark 'The Terminator' Dawson. Despite nifty moves by the studio guru, the outcome was inevitable as Dawson ramped his game up a level, hitched up his strides, and played like an absolute demon.

Once again the agency lose the coveted Bling Pong Bat to an outsider, but Mark's welcome to it as it ensures we get a bit of class at next year's gathering.

Thanks to all all came along and we'll see you next year for more backspin madness

Tropical Takeover

Hot on the heels for Digi Craig's tropical disease comes a tropical infestation of GIANT SPIDERS!



Well, one giant-ish spider anyway. But just look at the size of it. It's at least the size of a (very small child's) hand. It mesmerised the great and the good of Karmabrahma for at least 20 minutes as the web grew and grew to a truly terrifying size. I'd give you an update on whether it's caught anything yet (freelancers, young creatives, locals), but I'm a bit too frightened to go out in the garden at the mo'

What The *@$*%! Is That?

Oh dear. It looks like Digi Craig has caught a strange tropical digi virus that has infected his elbow.




Usually when a young virile man's elbow inflates like this there is a more obvious reason. And with Craig spending a lot of time on his on up in Brum, who can blame him. But in this instance, it appears that our boy may have something suspicious growing in there like ants of mini-spiders or pineapples or something. We've contacted the Guinness Book of Records regarding the largest elbow circumference, but so far no one has returned our calls

It's All Gone A Bit Colman's

Now, we don't want you to think that all we do at West London's friendly local agency is eat-eat-eat, but this week we've all gone a bit Colman's crazy as we suck pencils and apply ourselves to thunking up the next big campaign for them. So, all this week we've got willing volunteers cooking a different Colman's Packet Sauce for the hungry hoards.

Yesterday we threw Gemma in at the deep end. For a person who has only ever used a recipe book to steady a wobbly easel, it was a testing time for Gemms as she cooked up a chilli special.




You may notice, kind reader, that due to a lack of cooking gear in our beautiful yet functionally inept building, we've had to get Shiv to bring her camping stove in. It's all top drawer stuff here you know.

The smell was a joy, the results splendid, and the day after everyone has bounched back for more.








So up steps Hattie to cook up a saussie and onion casserole thing. And believe me, with the smell of saussies wafting around the building, there 'aint a dry tongue in the place.



Tomorrow? Who knows, but the chicken cuzzer is looking good

Who needs Tony Kaye?

Last week the History Channel team went on one of Karmarama's most shoots. No expense was spared on the location:

(our garage)

Or the special effects:

(I'm told that isn't polystyrene and boot polish but something a bit more technical)

We invested in some of film's biggest talent

(aw bless!)

And even the shoot food included, all agreed, some of the finest gourmet delights known to the stars of stage and screen.

(chips and non specific meat items)

It's like the excesses of the 1980s all over again.

But seriously, look at the realism of this shot of a little child miner down the pit (soon to be hitting a digital escalator panel somewhere near you).

Who needs Tony Kaye?